101 stories from the therapy room

(A non-clinical approach to psychotherapy and counseling)

My client, a gold medalist in college, had built a successful career for herself by the time she was forty. Her success, although hard  earned, gave her an equal amount of anxiety about losing it. She came for therapy hoping she could find a way to enjoy her success. 

As she rose in her career, she was afraid of not being able to meet the expectations from her customers and perform well under a new boss. She also expressed fear of others’ evil eye that could bring her harm and was constantly worried about losing her current job and not getting a better one. Although her success was the result of her hard work and perseverance, she was not able to own it.

With these worrying thoughts swirling in her mind, she recalled the times when, as an 18 year old, she had come to Delhi. Delhi was a huge city to get adjusted to for a girl who came from a remote village. She had struggled to get admission at a college and lived in a small room which had really bad bathroom facilities that she shared with many other girls.  The current anxiety about her success and losing it at the same time, reminded her of her struggling days in Delhi. She feared that if she loses her job, she may end up in a situation  similar to her early days in Delhi.

Listening to the client’s narrative, I came to a conclusion that maybe her days of struggle in Delhi were the foundation which made her who she is today.  Using this hypothesis, I framed my next question – “What are the strengths you gained during your time in Delhi?” 

She said “I left my village and visited a city for the first time. I had to learn to live alone in a big city. I started learning about relationships. I faced many failures in job interviews but also got my first job. I started saving money and went to the UK for my higher studies and became a top professional.”  While she shifted her narrative from speaking about her struggles in Delhi to those of growth, her posture shifted and she started sounding more confident. Her anxiety slowly dissipated and I could see a free flow of energy within her. With a twinkle in her eye and a smile  she asked, “The girl who survived in Delhi is still  in me, isn’t she?” 

I said “ Yes “. 

I let the reflection sink in and slowly asked “What happened to the anxiety about losing your job”?  She replied, “The anxiety is disappearing from my body.” Then I asked her how she would confront her question, “What will happen if I lose my job?” from this positive state she was in now? She said that in the future whenever she feels the fear of losing her job, she will remind herself of the girl from Delhi who survived through those tough situations.

However this feeling of success and happiness  was short-lived.

My client began worrying about what would happen if she became sick. I pointed out that her question was taking her away from her happiness bringing her back to the familiar zone of being worried. She was a little taken aback and realised how she had the need to keep worrying. The awareness evoked good natured  laughter from both of us. 

My next question for her to  reflect on was, “How can you make sure you stay in the state of  happiness longer?” She said that she receives many compliments from her seniors and customers and while she never used to completely accept and take them in, she was going to try and hear what they have to say and ask them to tell her what they saw as her strengths and dwell in those positives for a while.

Since we had begun the sessions with the contract for the client to be able to feel  happiness, her decision to practice soaking herself in positive feelings for longer periods of time was a good place to end.

So, we agreed to wait until the next session to address her question, “What will happen if I become sick?”

Sometimes, a client’s memories which are a source of fear and anxiety can also be a source of strength. Using the client’s narrative, a therapist can decode the information provided and recode to build the strength for the client. The choice is to see the narrative as a story of incapacitation or a story of strength. 

The skill lies in framing the appropriate question!