(101 stories from the therapy room)

(A non-clinical approach to psychotherapy and counselling)

Unveiling Deep Insights

In a non-clinical approach to psychotherapy and counseling, a pivotal moment unfolded in the life of my 44-year-old male client during our previous session. The realization struck him like a thunderbolt – “time is running out.” For nearly a decade, he had been a passive observer in his dysfunctional marriage, never actively seeking change. This epiphany emerged after an intriguing session involving figurines.

In our latest session, my objective was to delve deeper into his awareness of his passivity and the tangled web of his troubled marriage. We revisited the same figurines from our earlier sessions – an old man symbolizing him and two young girls flanking him. What caught my attention was how the client placed both his hands on either side of the girls, as if cradling them, ensuring their comfort, and shielding them from pain.

I posed a question, “What kind of pain might these two women endure?”

His response was laden with concern, “I am worried that challenging the status quo of the relationship could create turbulence, causing them pain.” I encouraged him to reframe his perspective, urging him to say, “If I challenge the status quo, it will create turbulence, and I will feel pain.” With each repetition of this sentence, the client gradually began connecting with his own pain, a facet he had been avoiding. While he had focused on his family’s suffering, he had neglected his own turmoil. As he embraced his pain, a revelation emerged – “I am seeing my wife as a child who needs my care. She’s like a daughter to me, not an equal partner.” This newfound understanding of himself as a provider and father helped him acknowledge his exhaustion and the hopelessness that had fueled his apathy.

For a decade, he had remained passive in a dysfunctional relationship, grappling with his internal struggle and unaddressed emotional pain, trapped in the role of a father to his wife. These two aspects acted as locks on the door, confining him within himself and within the troubled relationship.

In our subsequent session, signs of transformation became apparent. The client made visible efforts to match his age, undergoing a makeover with a fresh haircut and improved attire. He took steps towards self-improvement, carving out time for himself and socializing with friends. These actions breathed new life into him, marking a transition from apathy to a renewed sense of vitality.

Yet, as the client shared his positive progress, I unexpectedly found myself battling sleepiness and struggling to stay focused on his encouraging narrative.

This episode raises a crucial question: What triggers such fatigue or detachment in a therapist during a session? What do these reactions reveal about the client? This intriguing aspect is what I have set out to explore.