101 stories from the therapy room

(A non-clinical approach to psychotherapy and counselling)

During the session, my 30 year old client exhibited a certain level of disarray in her thoughts and emotions. She began by expressing dissatisfaction with her work, then transitioned to discussing her overwhelming workload, followed by sharing details of her ongoing financial crisis. In the midst of her narrative, she recounted an incident where she broke her computer in a fit of frustration. 

The theme was, “I should have done things correctly and I should not have made  mistakes.” When I brought  to her awareness this theme her rambling all over stopped.

She  said, “my father used to say,  you are not supposed to make mistakes, you have to learn from other people’s mistakes, you need to avoid mistakes”.

My reflective and empathetic question to her was, “why are you so loyal to that belief of your father?”. This brought out her deeper belief, “this world is dangerous and anything can happen any time, any uncertainty is scary for me. This belief, I should not make mistakes helps me avoid uncertainty”.

This scattered discourse encapsulated her feelings of inner turmoil and confusion.The underlying theme of the client’s story can be distilled into a complex duality – a self-critique stemming from two interconnected facets: the belief that she should have executed her actions flawlessly, intertwined with the conviction that she should have avoided making any mistakes and the world is a scary place. This belief system was profoundly ingrained in her, as it seemed to serve as a protective shield against the unpredictable and potentially perilous nature of the world, a world she perceived as filled with uncertainty.

My reflective and empathetic inquiry probed deeper into her allegiance to her father’s beliefs, prompting her to acknowledge her underlying fear of a world that she perceived as fraught with danger and uncertainty. Her belief that she should avoid mistakes was essentially a coping mechanism to mitigate the fear of the unknown.

As a therapist, if I had challenged the belief, “I should not have made a mistake”, then the belief “the world is dangerous” would have gotten bypassed.

I told her that I will enact her internal struggle and she can be an observer.

I positioned to the left a voice which represented her father  and I positioned the right side to  reply on behalf of the client.

Left side: You are not supposed to make mistakes

Right side: I know you will not allow me to make mistakes but I am anyway going to end up making mistakes.

Left side: I see you making mistakes; and you are the mess.

Right side: So be it, “I will be a mistake and be a mess.”

Seeing me enact this out, the client said, “I know there was a lot going on within me but I did not know that I was stuck with this internal dialog” She said, “I can acknowledge this internal turmoil happening within and just watch.  What a big relief,  I don’t have to get into this loop”

Subsequently, I encouraged her to envision a scenario where she could enjoy popcorn and simply observe the ongoing dialogue between the two voices, similar to watching a movie. This metaphor resonated with her and she was able to make a connection with a concept she had recently learned in Buddhism – the idea of “having dinner with the demon.” This newfound perspective brought about a sense of relief, as she realized she did not have to be entangled in this internal loop.

As the session drew to a close, it was evident that the client was now open to the idea of “having dinner with the demon,” symbolizing her willingness to embrace the uncertainties of the world. This transformation marked a significant step forward in her journey towards self-acceptance and a deeper understanding of her inner conflicts.