101 stories from the therapy room

(A non-clinical approach to psychotherapy and counselling)

I recently had the privilege of working with a vibrant 45-year-old whose life has been a rollercoaster since the tender age of 9 when he lost his father in a tragic accident. Forced to shoulder responsibilities early on and be a support for his mother and younger brother, he navigated the storm, became a successful writer, and emerged professionally triumphant. However, amidst the triumphs, now, he has found himself grappling with the prolonged conflict between his wife and in-laws.

As his therapist, I patiently waited for the right moment to step in. That moment arrived when he pondered, “When life is too short, why do family members choose to live it in conflict?” I seized the opportunity, probing into the notion of life’s brevity. “Life is too short?”, I repeated. The response? A revelation of unfulfilled desires – “I want to do so many things in life and  I am not doing, I have been procrastinating.”

Now, the narrative takes an intriguing turn. Instead of blaming external factors, he begins to look within at the possibility of all that he wants. The client was feeling stuck with the prolonged internal conflict but it was projected onto others. The projection was that he assumed that it was his family members that were living in conflict not him.

I guide the client towards exploring his internal conflict – one part yearns for new opportunities, while another hesitates, whispering about the safety of the familiar.

The breakthrough comes when these conflicting internal voices harmonize. The unified message: “Face life head-on while considering safety.” Unpacking this revelation, he realizes that his desire for change was causing turmoil because it ignored the need for a sense of security.

Unraveling the layers, it becomes apparent that the client contemplates leaving his stable job to pursue a newfound passion. I facilitate a plan that balances risk and safety – a weekend investment in his passion while maintaining the security of his job. This meticulous approach allows him to feel settled and take intentional steps forward.

Here’s where the therapeutic journey takes an insightful turn. Understanding the client’s past, particularly the loss of his father, I refrain from pushing him into action. Instead, the focus on safety becomes the catalyst for his transformative journey, offering him a strategic path to overcome procrastination.

In the end, his seemingly simple statement, “life is short,” encapsulates the profound internal struggle and the potential for profound wisdom. It’s a reminder that sometimes, the key to unlocking a fulfilling life lies in navigating the intricacies of our internal conflicts, finding balance, and embracing the adventure that lies ahead.