101 stories from the therapy room

(A non-clinical approach to psychotherapy and counselling)

“Parallel between the internal and the external world” 

While working with clients, we are always on the lookout for keys to unlock doors that open solutions for the clients to overcome their struggles – but what the clients overlook is that the keys are always with them. The therapist’s role is to guide them to find these keys.

In this session, there were two dominant keys which helped unlock the client’s potential for change.

My client, aged 40, had two major life goals.

1. To be successful in his personal life
2. To create a social impact by making resources available for all citizens

While the client had excelled in personal goals, he felt that he had not given enough attention to having an impact on the social domain and this was bothering him. And, his struggle was that he was not able to celebrate his personal success because he had not yet achieved his social goals. At the same time, the client said he sensed that the world was polarized and split due to contradictions. The client felt there was a parallel between his own internal contradictions and contradictions in the external world. He expressed a genuine wish to solve the problem of people who were becoming polarized but did not know where to start.  

I felt confused about how the client was making sense of the world contradiction through his inner contradictions. Hence, I proposed, “Instead of focusing on world contradictions, let’s take a look at yours”. I took this direction so that I can help the client feel in contact with himself. The client shared his inner thoughts – “I belong to a community where everyone enjoys eating meat. Many members in the family have pets and I too love dogs. I felt a contradiction within – if I love one animal how can I kill another and consume it as food.” So, he  had decided to become vegan and this solved his inner contradiction. This gave rise to a contradiction within the family. When every member of the family ate meat at the dining table, he alone ate vegan food. He was ok with other family members eating meat, but he continued to be a vegan. This example gave me clarity about the client’s inner turmoil and the parallel he draws to the external world contradictions.

I shared how I am making sense of the client’s experience. I said, “you are a sensitive person, your love for dogs is extended to all animals. You don’t want to love one animal but kill other animals. By making the choice to be vegan, you resolved your inner contradiction. You resolved the contradiction in the family by not forcing others to be vegans and get polarized due to the conflict in values. You demonstrated how everyone could co-exist with contradictions. In this process, you have created an inner space for diverging ideas to co-exist and you seem to have a method to embrace such contradictions. In a similar way you wish other people could also co-exist instead of getting polarized. You want to offer these ideas and methods to the external world, and you do not know where to start.” Listening to my words, I saw the client’s face relax and his body posture settled and relaxed.

I asked the client how he was experiencing my understanding of him. The client said, “for the first time I can see and hear what my inner experience is like through another person’s words. I was never able to explain this struggle to others, but you gave words that exactly match my inner experience.”

This was the first key – the client attuning to his inner state after he heard his struggles voiced from a second person. This gave the client the chance to settle down and experience some solace during the session before we could continue the session.

In the next article, I will share the identification of one more key which sparked the unraveling of the client’s wisdom and stimulated him into action to find direction.