101 stories from the therapy room

(A non-clinical approach to psychotherapy and counseling)

A client listed a some goals for himself – 

Personal goals: Buy a house – “it has to be a big house”

Professional goal: Start a business – “in high investment, capture the new market”

Academic goals: Study more – “higher ranking degree in a world class college”

Relationship goals: “I should be the best caring partner”

Other goals: Vacation – “One year in thailand’’

These were the wishes of a 40 year old. At first, I was fascinated and inspired by the client’s passion to address his needs and desires, but when I took a minute to take a better look at them and noticed his need for a year long vacation in Thailand, I wondered what these goals do to the client.

One second glance, I noticed a common theme connecting all his goals – all of them demanded high intensity of focus, energy and time. While this intensity made my client feel excited about the prospect of fulfilling his goals, they also brought about the anxiety of failure. So the client worked very hard which did not reduce his caution to avoid failure, but it increased the anxiety.

I brought this theme of “intensity” to the client’s notice and he said that his life has always been that way. The client further reflected, “every day of my life I want to be a hundred percent productive.” Metaphorically, it sounded to me like he was saying, “I have to drive my car at 100 km/hr speed.” I asked what the result was of wanting to always be productive and speeding like a race car to achieve his goals.  The client said that it made him constantly alert and anxious. I used the same car metaphor and asked, “What can you do to enjoy your drive?” and he said, “I can slow down, I can sing, whistle and look around and enjoy the journey through the day.”

This new perspective gave the client an option to be in contact with the here and now and not always be focused on his achievement and goals which were making him anxious. I further asked how he could use this realization in his day-to-day  encounters with life. The client said, “I have money for a smaller house. I can buy a smaller one and enjoy my new home instead of waiting to save money and  buy a big house.”

He said he had joined a premier institute for his higher studies and instead of only focusing on marks, he would make time to connect with friends and enjoy the time he spends to study. These narratives from the client was an affirmation that he could not only set achievable goals but he could also find a way to enjoy the process.

Based on the client’s new insight, I asked him what he thought about the year long vacation to Thailand now. He laughed as he said, “Instead of hoping for a year-long break and prolonging the decision to actually plan it, I can plan shorter ones.”  I further asked if he would be willing to carry a Thai (holiday) spirit in him every day to make each day enjoyable in the place where lives now instead of waiting to visit Thailand to take a break.” The client said he liked the idea of carrying a holiday spirit in his day-to-day life.

Later I heard from my client that this phrase, “having a Thai spirit as a part of day-to-day life” has  become a slogan among his friends.

Now the client was feeling less anxious and more excited about working out smaller goals and was hoping to enjoy the process of achieving them.

But, even though the client was feeling light and happy I felt a sadness, still lingering. What could the reason for the sadness be? We will unravel that in the next article. Until then, stay with your Thai holiday spirit for the rest of the week and reflect on what that means to you.