As human beings our basic need is to experience being loved. Our deep desire is not only to experience love, but to experience being loved in our own unique way. The irony is that we expect the other person to know how we want to be loved. We often hear people saying, “if he/she loves me, he would do this or understand this. He/she would know what I like” etc. Often we challenge the others saying, “if you love me you will” ……Read more
Love is a basic need and yet it can be a very confounding experience. Partners can give each other a tough time using the very same elements that initially fostered love. Recurrent conflicts and repeated impasses can leave one partner feeling locked in and the other locked out. The zigzag path of love that was initially exhilarating suddenly feels misleading. Marriage feels messy and often children get caught in the struggles between parents.
And, in any close partnership, it is not just two people who are relating to each other, it is also two bodies that are speaking to each other. You maybe talking amicably to your partner, but is your body stiffening when your partner approaches you? Conversely, you may be frowning on the outside while secretly yearning for a hug on the inside. Confusing and conflicting messages go back and forth. It is the unspoken words that speak the loudest and unfinished gestures that hurt the greatest. And most surely your partner has noticed these, if not your other actions! Find out- Does my marriage need help?
To love is to know how to listen to what your partner says with spoken language and through the sensory inputs. All you need is a willingness to listen. Learn the art of listening and matching your rhythm with your partners.
Therapists in Nibbana are trained to gently guide couples in their journey of discovering each other’s music and rhythm.
Therapy can be a viable option when:
Both partners are willing to invest in the relationship, but don’t know “how”. Conflict remains. Relational and emotional needs remain unmet.
One partner is ready to invest in the relationship, but the other is partially or fully unwilling.
The couple are on the brink of divorce or permanent breakup. They want an intervention with a professional and are ready for any outcome
An interesting story on love: Once Mulla Nasuruddin received a letter from his lover. She had written that she missed him a lot and wanted to meet him immediately.
Mulla Nasruddin replied, “I love you so much that when you want to meet me, nothing can stop me, I will cross the ocean and mountains. I will fly like a bird and travel along with lighting. I will make clouds and thunder a vehicle for me to travel” and so on and on. The letter ended stating, “today it is raining and I will come tomorrow”.
Is it Time you Sought Help ?
Couples therapy can commence at any coordinate of the relationship arc-even when you are functional! However we at Nibbana have observed that couples feel the need for professional listening and therapy the most when they find themselves standing at the following intersections of love and hate, investment and indifference.
Are you ?
Newly weds who are experiencing barriers to bonding
Couple contemplating divorce
Couple who want to heal from emotional trauma and rekindle romance and intimacy
Couple who experience too much outside interference in their relationship
Couple from arranged marriages who want to communicate and understand each other better
Facing Parenting, infertility, or impotency issues
We listen … you too can get ready to tune in and listen.
We at Nibbana are inclusive in our use of the word couple. Any two consenting adults in a contractual relationship (marriage, live-in, same-sex partners, etc) qualify as a couple.
I was at a time in my life where everything was in cruise-control professionally. I had everything I wanted, but nothing I needed.
I had a troubled childhood and without even realizing it, I was full of self-loathing. I used to have panic attacks, wake up in the middle of the night crying. My wife, noticing the patterns in my behaviour, encouraged me to seek professional help.
When we decided on Nibbana and I met my Counsellor, she was able to quickly identify my situation. I decided to enrol in the counselling program and began to understand my problems. She gave me basic exercises to do when I experienced panic, such as being aware of my breathing patterns and other behaviours. It might sound simple, but it wasn’t; I had to fight with myself to come out of it. Three months later, this program has brought me so much relief, and I wonder why I did not take this step earlier.
I had a troubled childhood. Three months later the program has got me so much relief.
During therapy, I managed to see my wife for who she is, without any of my past influences and realized that I have always loved her. I finally started respecting her for who she is and I am happy I didn’t go for divorce.
Therapy has changed the way in which my husband and I communicate. My fights with my husband have changed into an opportunity to understand what each other has to say and it clearly strengthens our relationship.
We were constantly disagreeing with each other and couldn’t figure out what went wrong. After therapy, we have learned to celebrate our differences. We have started enjoying each other’s company!
One of the biggest things that I have learned in therapy is – “Learning the Art of Listening”. It’s made me into a better person and a better husband. I now hear and listen to what my wife has to say. I know I can listen and yet disagree without feeling angry.
