101 stories from the therapy room

(A non-clinical approach to psychotherapy and counseling)

This story from the therapy room is about how a client and  the therapist can find strength through the process of grieving a loss simultaneously. 

Client: I reached out for support because I have lost my mother and I am going through a tough time. 

Therapist: I too have lost my mother and I am grieving

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As I was also grieving, I could have asked the client to meet another therapist but considering the long relationship I had with the client, I decided to work with her. The agreement was that we will grieve together.  

The client was feeling  guilty that she could not save her mother. She was angry that her father, who was a doctor, did not do much to save her mother. She was angry with her elder sister for not taking care of their mother. The client was feeling lonely, charged with anger, guilt and sorrow. These reactions were a clear indication that the client was going through intense grief.  Facilitating regular grief rituals which had made a difference for many of my clients did not resonate with her or with me. Having shared our loss I felt blank and my therapist bag was empty.

I could sense intense grief in both of us. I suggested that both of us should sit in silence for a while.

And in that silence, an idea slowly took shape. I shared the idea with the client.

The idea was that the client and I will grieve together for seven days with the help of WhatsApp. Everyday one of us will send a word representing the mother and the other person will frame a sentence using that word. Then, the next day the person who framed the sentence will pick another word from the sentence and the other person will use this word and frame a new sentence. The client was curious and ready to participate. We decided to do this ritual for seven days.

While we were doing this, one day something shifted in both of us because of one  word. After that, our grief started transforming into strength.

What was that word which changed our grief to a positive course of action?

The word was, “resilience”.

We were able to see how resilient our mothers were. So we decided that we will write a hundred words depicting the resilience of our mothers. While we started counting ways in which our mothers were resilient, the grief started transforming into strength. We both felt liberated as the memory of the mother activated resilience in us. We both felt confident to embrace and face life.

These sentences took care of our loss as children. It was like our mothers’ souls spoke through these sentences. 

Therapist reflection:

As a therapist I felt I could not do much since both of us were in the same boat.  

What was difficult during this therapy session was, standing with an emptiness for a long time, feeling intense loss, unable to maintain  objectivity towards the client and yet trusting a  new process to emerge. 

The process which strengthened us was guided by a higher spirit  .There is no other explanation for what we experienced as there was no way I could have  come up with a process like this.