Stories From the Therapy Room

(A non-clinical approach to psychotherapy and counselling)

A client presented an issue, she said she falls in love with the people on dating apps really fast. During the session, the client spoke about many things, so we decided to table this conversation for the next session. When we met the next time, I enquired if the client wanted to address the issue of getting emotionally attached with new acquaintances in a short span of time.

She replied, “I have found a good idea to manage my emotional connection with people. I am going to respond to all the people who have sent me a request on the dating app and I will chat with them all instead of fixating on one person and falling in love too soon.” When she widened her vision, it gave her the confidence to assess the possibility for friendships as well as intimate relationships.

I appreciated her about how she developed a way to manage her struggles. After I gave her that compliment, she immediately said she wanted to focus her attention on the procrastination in her career progression next without spending enough time sitting with her achievement of having found a solution to a problem.

Therapist reflection: the client is unable to accept that she is capable of  finding solutions. She deflected away from my appreciation and she jumped to focus on the next problem. This seemed like an indication that she wanted to stay small and dependent on her therapist.

This quick deflection came from the belief, “I have solved one problem – that doesn’t mean I know how to solve other problems.” After I picked up on the client’s vulnerability in this context, of not feeling capable of taking her career forward, I shared my views.

I reminded her of our conversation from a previous session where we had spoken about her career. I pointed out that I had even given some suggestions but she doesn’t seem to have followed.

I told her that maybe she is not following my recommendations regarding career growth  and added, “but maybe you will find a way and tell me how you did it?” (a vague statement embedded with the suggestion.)

She said, “Oh Geethan! I thought you would give me some magical solution!”

I told her I wanted to narrate a story – a story of two ants. “One ant asks the other one for advice on how to grow professionally in its career. The second says it will be there to listen when the first ant has found a solution.” We finished the secession and I left the story for the client to complete.

During our next session I had forgotten about the story or the discussion about the client’s career. The client, however, brought it up herself. She said she had hired an assistant with a minimum salary and profit sharing agreement. She said that she believed that once she trained her she would be able to achieve more goals which would further help her in her career growth.

I congratulated her and then later I realized that the first ant had found a solution and had just told the other ant about it.

This was a Milton Erickson approach.  To suggest, “find a way to progress in your career and tell me how you did it” was thoughtfully planned because she did indeed find a solution by herself on how to deal with her contacts on the dating app. And I used the same pathway, for her to use her wisdom to find how she could make some progress in her career.

The client wanted me to give a “magical solution” and I did – but here, the client was the magician!